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Book review: Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

Plot summary

Jason Dessen, a former quantum mechanics physicist, is a college physics professor who lives with his wife, Daniela, and their son, Charlie, in Chicago, Illinois. One night, he is kidnapped and drugged by a masked man and then wakes up across a large metal cube in a science laboratory. He finds he is in an alternate Chicago, where he pursued his scientific career as a physicist rather than marrying Daniela. In this alternate world, he built the cube that enables individuals to move between alternate worlds created from every possible outcome of every event.

Review

I’m a slut for thriller books, but I rarely read science fiction because reading scientific terms and explanations seems tedious. However, the author, Blake Crouch, did a great job making the scientific terms and concepts easier to understand.

As you can see from the plot summary, the story revolves around parallel universes. I liked Crouch’s world-building; the way he described each scene gave me the impression that he wanted to make a film adaptation of the book — which I will welcome with open arms.

The book kept me on the edge of my seat, making me hastily turn one page to another as Jason maneuvered from one world to another and faced each world’s dangers while keeping his sanity from slipping away.

Crouch’s writing also made me empathize with the characters without condoning their bad decisions and actions. With how the multiverse in this story works, I’m satisfied with how the story concluded; it quenched my thirst but left me hungry for more.

However, what impressed me the most was the emotional impact of the story — the realization that I want to remain in this version of my life, despite the challenges I’ve faced and the mistakes I’ve made.

It’s normal for humans to reflect on their past, think about the roads not taken, or have regrets. But out of all the possible outcomes of every event in my life, I’m grateful for the current version of my life and my loved ones. I wouldn’t change a single thing. Besides, if I want to change my future, I can still change my present.

Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Favorite quotes

I thought I appreciated every moment, but sitting here in the cold, I know I took it all for granted. And how could I not? Until everything topples, we have no idea what we actually have, how precariously and perfectly it all hangs together.

But it’s all, in the end, just life. We see it macro, like one big story, but when you’re in it, it’s all just day-to-day, right? And isn’t that what you have to make your peace with?

If there are a million ponds out there, with versions of you and me living similar and different lives, there’s none better than right here, right now. I’m more sure of that than anything in the world.

New year, new focus: resolutions for 2024

Happy New Year!

Wait, what do you mean it’s March?

Well, I’m a late bloomer anyway. I thought I became a real adult when I moved out of home to live with my boyfriend and friends in Metro Manila, but I don’t feel like an adult right now.

I still need my parents’ help often, especially regarding financial issues. However, my parents are getting older, and people around me are either getting married or having children (or worse, dying).

I need to get my shit together — and what better way to get my shit together than to list my New Year’s resolutions?

New Year’s resolutions for 2024

Better late than never! Here are my goals this year:

• Read more books (at least 10).
• Finish my first-year subjects in my master’s degree.
• Travel with loved ones (at least once).
• Go out more (at least once every 2 weeks).
• Exercise at least thrice a week (including yoga).
• Create and religiously follow simple skincare, hair care, and body care routines.
• Talk to my loved ones every day.
• Declutter.
• Create a minimalist wardrobe.
• Set up a home office.
• Get a PWD ID.
• Get upgraded eyeglasses.
• Get a passport.
• Write more blogs (at least once a month).
• Go on a date with myself.

What about you? What are your goals this year?

Hello, world!

Hello, reader!

Brace yourself for a roller coaster ride of emotions and the manifestations of my manic and depressive episodes.

I created this blog because I’m tired of writing long paragraphs on private messages when venting out and then copy-pasting them to other chat boxes. The next time I’m having a hard time and my loved ones want to know what’s up, I’ll just direct them to my blog.

Just kidding! I’ll use this blog as my online diary, so I might keep it a secret from my loved ones — although the “Marites” in me might share this blog’s link the moment I publish this post.

Why Embrace Pandemonium?

The title Embrace Pandemonium is inspired by one of my favorite TV series, The Good Place.

In the episode titled “Pandemonium,” Eleanor Shellstrop (one of the main characters) said she’ll embrace the pandemonium, the center of hell in John Milton’s poem, Paradise Lost.

I guess all I can do is embrace the pandemonium, find happiness in the unique insanity of being here, now.

Eleanor Shellstrop, The Good Place

As someone with a mental illness (bipolar disorder II) and a bleak perception of life, I felt a tug in my heart when I heard Eleanor’s line.

Since I’ve started fighting my demons, I’ve considered life as hell. I’ve also made countless mistakes in my life and hurt many people. Being pessimistic despite being privileged doubled my guilt, which my demons gobbled up, worsening my mental health issues. Eventually, I realized that life doesn’t give a shit whether I’m privileged or not, or I’m good or bad; shit will still happen, and I don’t have a choice but to deal with it and move on — unless I unalive myself. I can’t be bothered unaliving myself, so all I can do is… “embrace the pandemonium.”

This is not an inspirational blog

If you think this is an inspirational blog, you’ve got another think coming. Don’t expect me to write about rainbows and butterflies that would *~change your life~* because this is not that kind of blog.

I’m not a life coach or a role model; I’m too unstable to be one. I’m just trying to document the lessons I’ve learned, my experiences, and some thoughts I should probably tell my psychiatrist (but I won’t).

I want to say I’ll post once a week, but shit happens, and I want to post because I want to, not because I’m obligated to do it. So, buckle your seat belts while I break down and spill the tea from time to time.